this one is gonna be a little bit tricky, i am not sure with my bad english if i would be able to express my thought or not … I am gonna take a shot, why not!...
the question is why people should work like this?! let me narrow my question: why must I work like this?!
I am reviewing myself with myself:
i was a good boy, successful in high school, got admission for dentistry and medicine but civil engineering was chosen bcuz i was in love with construction...finished all english institutes...went to the best faculty of engineering, university of tehran...graduated and got my B.A.Sc and then bcuz of my love I was enforced to continue my education loll 2 yrs after i got my M.A.Sc ...did skiing, snowboarding and water skiing for more than 20 yrs and got involved in racing and pro stuff till i got screwed with a surgery at my knees...started playing music since 15 yrs ago and i found one of my best friends setar ...i changed my body with working out from 57kg to 82kg and became a semi pro body builder for a while...climbed a lot of famous mountains in back home and loved traveling, hunting and outdoor activities ...been working since 10 yrs ago, big projects, got up early like 4:30am every day for 5 yrs and worked 12-15 hrs a day...so lucky to fall in love, touch love and to be loved ....did whatever u can imagine, bad and good but not ugly ones like drugs, bribe or even a simple lie!... always smiled to people and made them laugh and happy as far as i could...never messed up with people and never wished them anything except best wishes...immigrated to canada, land of opportunities loll...still laughing at this meaningless word "depression"...managed two highrises building in 3 yrs...became a professional engineer...got my real estate license...got my OBC certificate...got admission for PhD in management which was ignored by me lol ... i did hang out with a lot of good people, made a lot of good friends, enjoyed that and made them enjoy being with me...never showed up sad or depressed in a crowd...liked my life although my mom and my close friends sometimes could hear my complains ...all in all happy with my simple life although the last time i slept on a bed i dont remember it is back to 3 yrs ago at my aunt's place or hotels or my gf’s loll...
but and a big but, always this thought has fu...ed my brain everyday and every nite and every moment of my life:
عزم آن دارم که امشب مست مست
پایکوبان شیشه دردی به دست
سر به بازار قلندربرزنم
پس به یک ساعت ببازم هرچه هست
وقت آن آمد که دستی برزنم
چند خواهم بود آخر پای بست
i was so lucky to have the best parents in the whole world, the best brother and the best buddies and friends...but let me ask this question again! why should i work considering i dont expect a lot from the world? ...i’ve had a kind of luxury life although my car is a crap and i live in a small bachelor flat...why can't i get back to my desired job and being a shepherd! ...am i going to be born again and enjoy walking in nature and enjoying the silence of nights in mountains, sitting in a shade of a tree or struggling to get to the top of mountain? ...why should i get trapped in internet, blackberry,... modern life and sink to the head so I am not sometimes able to breathe… why to kill myself to make money although I know I prefer to be on my road bcuz I believe there is no definite tomorrow for pamak or anyone else … i love cars but honesty is it worth it to drive a ferrari and make yourself a slave? ...i love traveling but can i do that in just 10 days vacation days less than 2.8% of my life?!!! ...i have gone through and done all of these but would i prefer to wear gucci or armani instead of regular clothes? would it make any difference to me to sit down in a famous and expensive restaurant vs. cozy and small one or even at my dining table?!...is it my goal to drive a Lamborghini Murcielago when i am 50 so i will have to color my hair to impress girls and cover my loose muscles!
i have a big offer ...big money ...a clear path to become rich and famous ...but why can't i just get rid of this freaking image that i need freedom! i am gonna continue my life like this …you know why? bcuz there is no way that i can make my window narrower to this world...i have seen a lot...i already expanded my world which i wish i wouldnt have ... from love to hate …from topless beaches in europe to Mecca...from meetings with the president and ministers to having lunch with simple labours on jobsites...from lending money to people to a day that god bless RBC with overdraft -$200!...from being a senior manager supervised over 1000 staff to a sales associate at shoe department in wal-mart!…from pictures with Imam, prime minister, army generals to pictures with some strippers in cancun..from making money like crazy to losing money in casinos...from up to down...from dance like sufis and khalse o sama and touching, feeling god to dance hip hop in clubs…from discussion with real friends to spending time with somebody or something u regret and get embarrassed after the fact… from being drunk with vodka to being drunk from a poem or music ….from thinking about my IRAN to thinking about flirt with gals…from refusing $200,000 bribe to working with all mafia kinda people…
so considering these point of views, i can not or at least i dont have that bravery to wash my hands with the regular life and start a real life...all considered, i am so glad now at least somebody else like you, knows how pamak thinks lol…thx for reading…
the question is why people should work like this?! let me narrow my question: why must I work like this?!
I am reviewing myself with myself:
i was a good boy, successful in high school, got admission for dentistry and medicine but civil engineering was chosen bcuz i was in love with construction...finished all english institutes...went to the best faculty of engineering, university of tehran...graduated and got my B.A.Sc and then bcuz of my love I was enforced to continue my education loll 2 yrs after i got my M.A.Sc ...did skiing, snowboarding and water skiing for more than 20 yrs and got involved in racing and pro stuff till i got screwed with a surgery at my knees...started playing music since 15 yrs ago and i found one of my best friends setar ...i changed my body with working out from 57kg to 82kg and became a semi pro body builder for a while...climbed a lot of famous mountains in back home and loved traveling, hunting and outdoor activities ...been working since 10 yrs ago, big projects, got up early like 4:30am every day for 5 yrs and worked 12-15 hrs a day...so lucky to fall in love, touch love and to be loved ....did whatever u can imagine, bad and good but not ugly ones like drugs, bribe or even a simple lie!... always smiled to people and made them laugh and happy as far as i could...never messed up with people and never wished them anything except best wishes...immigrated to canada, land of opportunities loll...still laughing at this meaningless word "depression"...managed two highrises building in 3 yrs...became a professional engineer...got my real estate license...got my OBC certificate...got admission for PhD in management which was ignored by me lol ... i did hang out with a lot of good people, made a lot of good friends, enjoyed that and made them enjoy being with me...never showed up sad or depressed in a crowd...liked my life although my mom and my close friends sometimes could hear my complains ...all in all happy with my simple life although the last time i slept on a bed i dont remember it is back to 3 yrs ago at my aunt's place or hotels or my gf’s loll...
but and a big but, always this thought has fu...ed my brain everyday and every nite and every moment of my life:
عزم آن دارم که امشب مست مست
پایکوبان شیشه دردی به دست
سر به بازار قلندربرزنم
پس به یک ساعت ببازم هرچه هست
وقت آن آمد که دستی برزنم
چند خواهم بود آخر پای بست
i was so lucky to have the best parents in the whole world, the best brother and the best buddies and friends...but let me ask this question again! why should i work considering i dont expect a lot from the world? ...i’ve had a kind of luxury life although my car is a crap and i live in a small bachelor flat...why can't i get back to my desired job and being a shepherd! ...am i going to be born again and enjoy walking in nature and enjoying the silence of nights in mountains, sitting in a shade of a tree or struggling to get to the top of mountain? ...why should i get trapped in internet, blackberry,... modern life and sink to the head so I am not sometimes able to breathe… why to kill myself to make money although I know I prefer to be on my road bcuz I believe there is no definite tomorrow for pamak or anyone else … i love cars but honesty is it worth it to drive a ferrari and make yourself a slave? ...i love traveling but can i do that in just 10 days vacation days less than 2.8% of my life?!!! ...i have gone through and done all of these but would i prefer to wear gucci or armani instead of regular clothes? would it make any difference to me to sit down in a famous and expensive restaurant vs. cozy and small one or even at my dining table?!...is it my goal to drive a Lamborghini Murcielago when i am 50 so i will have to color my hair to impress girls and cover my loose muscles!
i have a big offer ...big money ...a clear path to become rich and famous ...but why can't i just get rid of this freaking image that i need freedom! i am gonna continue my life like this …you know why? bcuz there is no way that i can make my window narrower to this world...i have seen a lot...i already expanded my world which i wish i wouldnt have ... from love to hate …from topless beaches in europe to Mecca...from meetings with the president and ministers to having lunch with simple labours on jobsites...from lending money to people to a day that god bless RBC with overdraft -$200!...from being a senior manager supervised over 1000 staff to a sales associate at shoe department in wal-mart!…from pictures with Imam, prime minister, army generals to pictures with some strippers in cancun..from making money like crazy to losing money in casinos...from up to down...from dance like sufis and khalse o sama and touching, feeling god to dance hip hop in clubs…from discussion with real friends to spending time with somebody or something u regret and get embarrassed after the fact… from being drunk with vodka to being drunk from a poem or music ….from thinking about my IRAN to thinking about flirt with gals…from refusing $200,000 bribe to working with all mafia kinda people…
so considering these point of views, i can not or at least i dont have that bravery to wash my hands with the regular life and start a real life...all considered, i am so glad now at least somebody else like you, knows how pamak thinks lol…thx for reading…
5 comments:
another 9:11 just happened in my life! posted at 9:11...ajibe...
I just don't get it why do you wannna be a sheppard so bad when you know that's not what you want??!!
that is my icon for simplicity...no make up no red carpet no wish for my neighbour to have my car no wish for me to be here and there no regret for past no wish for future just now and present...i know it can never happen unfortunately but everyone can have a wish and that is mine...by the way thx a million to read my ashofteh jat...
It's a bit long but is worth reading;)
The merchant said:"When I was young, all I wanted to do was to put enough money to go to Mecca."
"Well why don't you go to Mecca now?" asked the boy.
"Becuse it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living.
I've already imagined a thousand times crossing the desert arriving at the plaza of the Sacred stone, the 7 times I walk around it before allowing myself to touch it. I've already imagined the people who wold be at my side and those infront of me and the conversations and the prayers we would share.
But I'm afraid that it would all be a disappointment, so I prefer just to dream about it."
جانا سخن از زبان ما می گویی
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